Friend Confirms that This Blog is NOT Atypical in All the Wrong Ways

So it deserves an update. And deserves to remain as is for... uh... I don't even know what purpose.
I always get so bent out of shape when I leave my characteristically artsy fartsy complaints and occasional melancholia up for people to gawk at.
To delete it though, would be to deny it. And I shall not deny it. Though I want to.
So badly. *sob*
On top of that I found an old blog that makes me sound like a chattering manic monkey that threw up wordy, spacey, seemingly speed + mushroom induced run-ons all over the web. MORTIFYING.
So here it is: http://captainclongingsshenanigans.blogspot.com/
Apparently I enjoy making a spectacle of myself.
That, and the best remedy for insecurities is to initiate third person mode and point and laugh at oneself.
I just like laughing anyway. It's always a rapturous, cathartic occasion, especially when parodies, carnival rides, and soldering are involved.
This blog and its refined logical tone peppered with my disgruntled mumbles (and the Ben Stein pacing and monotone I imagine you imagine), as a contrast to the one I linked, is the result of me and beer's long time relationship as well as a good dose of Life and my attendance at the good ol' School of Hard Knocks, if that's any help with the analysis I'm sure you're engaged in.
Probably not. The analysis, that is.
Overview for those with time constraints:
~I apparently like to be pampered like a dandy, mice with top hats and pocket watches confirm.
~I used BIG WORDS to emphasize my intellectigence. My current self hardly recognized past self's repertoire. Possibly beer related.
~I unabashedly profess my love for Victoria Stilwell.
~I don't shut the f*ck up. The irrelevant is fair game and doesn't stop me from composing an utter wreck of a paragraph. Grammar police and ambulances (grambulances wokka wokka wokka) are not enough to rectify the situation.
Damn, it was only a few years ago. Oh my, have I "evolved". Sure. :P
But I AM feeling good. It's all good. TRUST ME. That is why I'm going to show you what my good vibes have produced as of late:
http://malkyru.deviantart.com/
LOL yes, I am linking my DA
Since I haven't uploaded this anywhere, here you go, so I don't render this entry pretty much useless:
(OKAY. I can't seem to upload images :C Will try again later, memo to self)

And in case anyone has been wondering... YES I FORGOT MY PASSWORD AND EMAIL ACCOUNT ASSOCIATED WITH THIS BLOG. LOL
I, uh, don't think you were wondering that in particular BUT I was gone a while and I have a great excuse for it and it's that my mind is a void that information rarely returns from. And when it does it has cute little suitcases with those little stickers all over them showing where they have been. Like Hong Kong.

Powerless

I need to force myself into a hiatus. The internet is killing me. This whole FA obsession has really thwarted who I really am in art. Here is a piece I've been working on during classes that really exemplifies the true me in art:

But this is ugly, appears evil, uneven, deformed, trippy and pretty much unappealing to most people. Whatever. It's not like I'm trying to achieve some kind of significance with my art. It's not like art moves mountains politically, scientifically or religiously, in my stupid, skeptical opinion. Art only affects other artists that way, because they know the intention and process, whereas the people who are actually in control are not impressed with the so-called statements. They scoff at it. They scoff at a lot of things. Except money. (Sorry about the blanket statements. I'm feeling like crap.)
So I feel rather pointless. I don't have the passion or drive to contribute to any significant fields. I just kind of aimlessly wander from one vague interest to the next, hoping that some mentor might take me under their wing and love me and guide me into bountiful success. Haha, how STUPID. I'm like a really stupid kid. No, seriously. I just want to play with things all day and be in constant wonderment. If only I could afford drugs to keep it strong and ongoing.
I really feel powerless at the moment. It's my inadequacies and elusive truths or non-truths that do it to me. Everything seems like a joke. Do people seriously think their limited senses and limited mind can conjure up absolutes from our little flickers of unfinished, warped experience? Do they actually think that they can honestly state with certainty that there is or isn't a god. HA. Seriously? I think we might just be a branch of a fractal or the most minute particle of an even bigger organism. Would a blood cell or a neuron by itself ever know its purpose or significance? Only in concert with other parts as a complete, sentient organism will it ever know, and even then it's only within that context. We can't know anything else except that we are here. And we can only speak for ourselves. That much I know. But I don't know anything else. I just make art that very few people like and I try to figure out who the hell I am and why I even matter, if I do. FUCK ME I'M GONNA EAT SOME MORE RISOTTO.

And here, have some more elephants with titties. I made more progress since this but I'll upload it in the next daily dose of loony dribble.

Ah! So Cheery About My Art Life!

I have never been SOOOOO encouraged in my life about art, and the source of this overwhelming support has been FA and furries and this alone. WHY? I don't know for sure, but I think it's all boils down to furries being the coolest people. They are also some of the strangest and most maladjusted at times, but the best furries are by far the best people. I feel so cheesy right now but there has been a series of positively amazing fucking things that came my way recently and it really gave me more faith in what I can do as an artist, and more enamored with this subculture or whatever you want to call it. Those super cool people know who I'm talking about. Haha if they read this I guess. I have this sudden drive to spread the love and encouragement and continue to make art people can afford and enjoy, and even make some gifts while I'm at it! I JUST HAVE TO GET ALL THOSE COMMISSIONS AND TRADES DONE. And now the boring part: here's the list, again, since this has changed a bit since the last update.
COMMISSIONS:
~6 badges
~2 digital icons
~ 15 sketchbook pages
~Watercolor painting (Almost done!)
I feel rather accomplished! I have some homework but I'll just tackle it tonight.

Here is some concept art for an upcoming Macillus submission:

The Amazing, Extraordinary, Death-Defying Collager

I have another big collage in the works. But I have no idea what I'm going to do with it. I mean, I want to sell it, but I don't even know if anyone would be interested in buying the other one. I was also wondering if I should concentrate on compiling larger pieces with my most recent skills and experiments for a possible show in the future. I'm just really iffy about the whole networking process and the prospect of failing, since it happened with the last opportunity to showcase my art. Totally wrong venue D:
This was the Halloween masquerade party that failed, where I couldn't even sell one $2 greeting card (C'mon no one could at least humor me!) and LOST money BUYING A BEER. Not only did that kick me between the eyes, but I was kicked while I was down when some pretentious, crotchety hag asked me if my art was my nightmares, after emitting one of those scoffing laughs. Then you had the usual, mundane, exasperated sigh-fuel like, "It's like Where the Wild Things Are!" because people can't think of anything else with weird ass creatures because they are... something.... just something. arrrrrrrrgh.

SO! Without further adieu, here is a very small fraction of what's to come with this piece on the collage assembly line:

A charming fellow whose bark is worse than his bite! HAHAHAHA I went there. So I'll water color him and cut him out and glue him and all that jazz that goes into collaging lalaalalalala! *broken music notes fall out of my face*
I'm going to see what other random creatures I will never do anything with are sitting around being lazy good-for-nothins that need to get a goddam job. The bums! I'm using a news paper background again because it's my personal artistic statement/gimmick that's supposed to open people's eyes to the lack of reality behind news stories. The part of the newspaper I'm using to bolster this grave and sobering message are the funnies. See what I did there?
My list of things to do hasn't changed since yesterday. I mean, I did stuff. I just didn't complete any of it yet. That water color painting will be coming to a close soon, though. And that about wraps this up.

The Elephant Deity: Wise and Industrious

I don't think anyone knows this, but I collect elephants. Or I did. Until a whole mess of them were lost in a freak shipping accident coming from Germany back to the States. OH WELL.
But I feel a spiritual link to elephants. Yeah. I do. I had some pretty elating dreams being part of their family group even though I was still human. I'd ride on their backs and travel EVERYWHERE. Beautiful dream scapes were abundant. I also had lots of underwater dreams with sea creatures like MAJESTIC whales with the same atmosphere. And I also had, and still have, dreams where bears or dinosaurs chase me. Those are scary. But fun.
So my next oil painting assignment I am going to keep for myself (I had been auctioning off previous assignments to the fabulous, supportive furry community). This is a 36" x 24" piece that I don't think anyone could afford or make room for, SO if I do ever sell it it will be local and, of course, the subject matter of my choosing, which is a good break even though I've been enjoying the characters and themes people have been giving me commission-wise.
SO MY CHOICE OF SUBJECT MATTER  HAPPENS TO BE A GORGEOUS ELEPHANT LADY:

I need to tweak the anatomy, but oh my lord, I am so happy with the start. I am going to use a low saturated, grayed blue, black, yellow and maroon as the color scheme.
This is from my facebook description and I feel I should add it here:
"Elephant deity I created on the spot. I had a flash of this in my head, but I couldn't fit the deer antlers. I guess I could make them dainty or something.
The professor pulled me over to another canvas to show me what someone else was working on that was "similar". : / It was some world of warcraft looking thing with a goofy minotaur : /// Yah, okee, professor...
People compare my stuff the the wrong things. It's disturbing, and i'm highly allergic to it..."

Okay here's a factoid about the title: I feel industrious being that I've been on a roll with commissions and assignments, because, hey, I've been making some wise decisions!
I'd ramble on more but I don't have anything else interesting to say, except that during my music class I was fantasizing about my character/fursona transforming partially into a tube of toothpaste, and being squeezed out and refilled repeatedly. And I was so horny after that. That's probably tmi, but everyone might as well get used to it. I'm open and silly that way. Shameless, too, I guess.

Keeping a TO DO list in every journal now:

FOR MYSELF:
~Huun... stuff :P

COMMISSIONS:
~1 digital sketch
~2 digital icons
~Water color painting
~7 badges
~15 more sketchbook pages

HOMEWORK
~Short essay (2D design)
~Make up project (2D design)
~Econlab
~Music exam next Wednesday (study sheets)

Bird Creature Digital Series

This will be an ongoing project, but not consistently. It started as a digital art experiment and a means of practicing without any worry of whether or not it would turn out exactly like what was displayed on the projector in my mind. Because they each seem to go with each other, I opted to call it a series. Sounds official and important. I like the illusion that the word "series" creates in art :P

The most recent of them being on top, and the earliest on the bottom. Once I knock out the majority of commission work that I owe I will start another, and take more care and time with it. I had some great suggestions from a person from the FA community and I'll be attempting a swamp or redwood tree inspired scene with some bird guys with interesting beaks. Well see how closely I keep with this plan, since with me, things never go according to one. Oy.
Anyway, I have a bitch ton of stuff to do, and I'll list it to get me focused and organized, two things I'm really really trying to work on :X

COMMISSIONS
~One digital sketch
~Two digital icons
~Oil painting
~Watercolor painting
~BADGES (7 left)
~15 more sketchbook pages

SCHOOL
~Oil painting (haha same as above really)
~Rubbing project thing
~Art homework
~Art collages

As you can see I pack the stuff on for myself. It's a bad/good habit. I need to keep busy, stimulated, responsible, preoccupied. Because I'm a nut job.
I have some Huun porn I want to upload to my new FA Huun account at some point. Still need to finish it, but for those curious and into that kind of thing, it's on its way.

The Student Art Show

I had a winning entry! Which tickles me pink. It's actually the one that started out as a joke, and my accomplice was my friend Ev, who collabed on the whole thing with me. In the end it came out freakin' brilliant and so intuitive. Everything matched up perfectly, and we couldn't have done it without each other! They were both don on 14"x17" bristol board. We called it "A Smuggler's Advice from a Caterpillar at a Mad Tea Party in Seville". Based on that alone you can understand why this load of rubbish was a winning entry LOL The title is actually an amalgam of Salvador Dali painting titles, which I seamlessly wove together :P
It's AKA "The Wedding Ring" because it's this pseudo-lesbian two halves of a heart conjoining thing. Looked FABULOUS hanging up side by side haha.

 So the top one is mine and the bottom one is Ev's. Wish I had several views of Ev's but the quality is much better than mine since my camera phone sucks so I guess that makes up for it! 

Like I said, the whole thing started out as a joke, because as we all know all the hoity toity  artsy farsty scene people like their more traditional, as in photo-realistic with all the right supplies type art. So we went ahead doing something totally meaningless and contradictory to everything considered fine art by elitists. Lo and behold we even ended up digging it and even went into tangent story telling based on our main characters, gentleman cats and dogs that have been around the block a few times haha. Very furry of us I suppose. 

So the moral of the story is art is art is art! This has actually stirred the whole collaging fire in me and you can expect more where this came from! 

I just REALLY want to know what the jurors were exactly thinking when they gave this an honorable mention. LOL

Edit: And yes, the crap that did win was all the photo-realistic, expensive/sophisticated supplies type stuff. That anyone can do. Ha. I don't get why creativity is NEVER factored in.