Powerless

I need to force myself into a hiatus. The internet is killing me. This whole FA obsession has really thwarted who I really am in art. Here is a piece I've been working on during classes that really exemplifies the true me in art:

But this is ugly, appears evil, uneven, deformed, trippy and pretty much unappealing to most people. Whatever. It's not like I'm trying to achieve some kind of significance with my art. It's not like art moves mountains politically, scientifically or religiously, in my stupid, skeptical opinion. Art only affects other artists that way, because they know the intention and process, whereas the people who are actually in control are not impressed with the so-called statements. They scoff at it. They scoff at a lot of things. Except money. (Sorry about the blanket statements. I'm feeling like crap.)
So I feel rather pointless. I don't have the passion or drive to contribute to any significant fields. I just kind of aimlessly wander from one vague interest to the next, hoping that some mentor might take me under their wing and love me and guide me into bountiful success. Haha, how STUPID. I'm like a really stupid kid. No, seriously. I just want to play with things all day and be in constant wonderment. If only I could afford drugs to keep it strong and ongoing.
I really feel powerless at the moment. It's my inadequacies and elusive truths or non-truths that do it to me. Everything seems like a joke. Do people seriously think their limited senses and limited mind can conjure up absolutes from our little flickers of unfinished, warped experience? Do they actually think that they can honestly state with certainty that there is or isn't a god. HA. Seriously? I think we might just be a branch of a fractal or the most minute particle of an even bigger organism. Would a blood cell or a neuron by itself ever know its purpose or significance? Only in concert with other parts as a complete, sentient organism will it ever know, and even then it's only within that context. We can't know anything else except that we are here. And we can only speak for ourselves. That much I know. But I don't know anything else. I just make art that very few people like and I try to figure out who the hell I am and why I even matter, if I do. FUCK ME I'M GONNA EAT SOME MORE RISOTTO.

And here, have some more elephants with titties. I made more progress since this but I'll upload it in the next daily dose of loony dribble.